Stuart Wolfendale

A violent tremor of concern has shot through Hong Kong society over the compulsory retirement of judges at age 65. According to reports this week, it will mean that a whole bunch of judicial minds with near cosmic acuity and Abrahamic experience will be forced off the bench over the next ten years. Since all lawyers born after 1950 are witless, forgetful and slow to robe, the independence of the judiciary and “one country, two systems” are at risk.

I spoke about this problem to a judge of the Court of First Insult, His Honour Mr. Mervyn Wysdom Toothe, who is in fact 76 but lied about his age on the judging application form.

“We all did that in those days,” he told me. “Miles Jackson-Lipkin was vilified for it because he got found out after telling Who’s Who about a war he fought in the Navy in another life with different dates. In fact very few of us are 65 and a few are nearing 90 because we all know that a judge peaks at around 78.”

He is still reasonably lucid but the truth is that he is totally out of touch by then and remembers very little, which is the perfect condition of vacuity from which to settle disputes fairly, judge guilt calmly and sentence people to prison. A very old judge is much less troubled in handing down a long sentence because he well knows that thirty years can go by in a trice.

Wysdom-Toothe is puzzled by some of the arguments put forward publicly for keeping judges until they are old. “We are supposed to have this vast accumulation of experience when , in fact, we hear the same old baloney trotted out by incompetent counsel who crib off each other again and again, year after year.

“I really do hope they aren’t still pushing that line about us having a knowledge of the society we preside over. I don’t even properly know where I live. The car and driver pick me up from the court, the curtains are drawn and it moves upwards for a while. The place is very nice actually; lots of hills and water and the tops of other peoples’ houses out of the windows. Socially, I am well up on the socio economic state of Luzon from the maids but I can’t even pronounce where most defendants come from. Had one today that comes up a lot for murder, Tin Shoe Why or something. Frightful spot, apparently. Asked the driver if we go through it on the way home but he said not.

˜What you have to bear in mind is that ageing judges develop a force. Well, something has to happen to you after sitting still for years listening to barristers whose dimness you wouldn’t credit. Keep it within the judiciary and it can be used for good, Let it out too early and it can be put in the service of the Dark Side. Look at old Jackson-Lipkin, over 80, on a stick and he ran rings round Social Security for thousands.

“If judges are let loose out there as early as 65, they will bring society to its knees, I warn you. You’ll see them in gangs on Harleys.”

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