Take a Note, Please.
March 27th, 2007From what I have read, they have caught at least two suspects in the $1000 bank note forgeries. I would have thought that, after the usual torture, the ring would have been wound up by now and the culprits would have told the police where all the other notes are.
There has been no firm announcement to this effect, just misty remarks from the Chief Secretary which are always worrying. So I am still anxious over what to do with $1000 bills. We all know that to be in possession of a forged one is a very serious offence. In the US, investigation of this is carried out by the Secret Service, so heinous is the crime, and culprits are dressed up with Haj caps and sent to Guantanamo Bay for ever.
If I am found with one, I understand, I will be sentenced to community service work at Disneyland for a similar length of time. The fact that I cannot tell the difference between a forged note and a real one is ignorance, I am told, and that is no defence in the eyes of the law. Since I am not connected to the forgery ring, I have nothing to confess which is a bother because an article I was reading on how they were training Prince Harry to be captured by the Taleban, said that to avoid too much torture, you should always have something to give away.
At least I do not have any $1000 bills in my wallet or at home. I exercise a great deal of self restraint at the ATM machine and if I walk away with three red ones in my pocket, I am feeling pretty flush, I can tell you.
I don’t know why they bother with thousands anyway. They are an embarrassment in shops. If you are English and polite, you end up telling the assistant, “I’m sorry. That’s all I’ve got.†You have about as much chance of getting change out of one in a taxi as you have in a tram.
I got one given me once by an American client for a job. ‘None of that for uncle Sam.’ he said, winking at me. I do not have an uncle Sam and the thing sat in my desk drawer for ages till I worked out that I could put it in the bank.
Which brings me to a problem I had. I went to the bank and told them that wherever my money was kept, I wanted it changed out of $1000 bills into smaller ones. The mood of the assistant manager turned from puzzlement to hilarity in a very short space of time. My money was not actually in dollar bills he said, laughing his head off.
Well, I did not find that funny, I can tell you. Having money that turns out not to be money but just an idea disturbed me very much until I read a letter from a chap in the South China Morning Post who said that he drew his money out of the ATM in amounts of $900. This way he avoided the $1000 notes.
It took successive days and I have never experienced such abuse from behind before, but I’ve got all my money out now- in five and one hundreds, thank heaven. I faced similar anxieties over my shares and a distinct lack of sympathy from my stockbroker when I asked him to sell them and pay me in his office in hundred dollar bills. He suggested I might like to invest on-line in future but, until this has blown over and every bad note has been found, mine are staying in my desk drawer.
Yesterday, a woman with a son in an ESF school told me that the headmaster had sent round a warning against pupils using ‘photo-shop’ to create forged ID cards so that they could buy alcohol in the bar at the Rugby Sevens. This is just a thought but, if the police are having difficulty pinning the $1000 bill forgeries on evil Vietnamese and Mainlanders, they might care to pop their heads into the international schools.
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